Mental Health

Kali ini mental health nya lebih ke verbal abuse daripada physical abuse yah. Sebenernya dari satu sisi gw merasa abis orang nya bunuh diri baru lah di buat thread trus ato di bilang RIP buat apa sih.

Dulu pas kasus Jonghyun, gw smpet ikutan tuh. Tapi mgkn krn wktu itu gw jga smpet ada di fase yang sama, dimana pas udh mulai winter mood gw berubah drastis, apalagi biasanya hidup di negara tropis kan.

Kebetulan kasus gw tuh dulu juga verbal abuse, dan jujur aja kadang kalo gw lagi merasa stress atau tertekan kadang gw juga masih muntah" dan masih ada lah gejala bekas taon lalu itu. Udh setaon loh, kok ga sembuh" sih? Menurut gw selalu ada improvement sih, tapi yah itu luka itu akan selalu membekas sih.

Jujur aja, kalo orang ga kenal gw mereka akan menganggap yah gw baik" aja bahkan gw itu kan punya tendency terlihat ceria di depan orang. Jadi emang self protection gw yah untuk selalu terlihat ceria.

Kadang gw bingung kenapa sih idup lu sbnernya ga sgtunya kok, bhkan tekanan gw lbh tinggi kenapa lu stress sih. Kdang bahkan gw masih mikir begitu, tapi yah tiap orang kan emang beda kan yah. Dan mekanisme mereka menghadapi masalah juga berbeda.

Sebenernya verbal abuse tuh apa sih? Kalo dari gw sndiri yah, apapun yang bisa membuat seseorang terluka, tertekan atau stress dapat gw kategorikan sbg verbal abuse, bahkan menurut gw pujian yang akhirnya memberikan demand tinggi aja itu bisa jd verbal abuse buat gw krn akhirnya gw tertekan thd itu. Sebenernya ga salah dong, orang di puji, di bilang bagus" aja. Tapi karena itu mungkin lingkungan kita jadi ga suka, akhirnya abuse dgn cara yang lain.

Tapi mungkin yah itu mekanisme gw, krn dulu udh begitu mau sebaik apapun orang dan memuji gitu membuat gw lebih takut untuk melakukan sesuatu bahkan gw berusaha buat ya udh gw tunda aja dulu, gw takut kalo di demand lebih, wlpn di bilang lambat, tapi gw merasa ya udah drpd gw di demand lebih lagi. Is it hard? Tentuuu.

Setelah itu, gw lagi mikir apakah yang gw perbuat itu juga buat orang stress? Tapi gw merasa itu untuk kebaikan dia juga. Nahh, ini juga nih yang gw belajar yah. Ga semua yg lu anggap baik bsa di anggap baik oleh orang lain :) hahaha.

Jangan terlalu baik, tapi yah emang dasar nya gw ga bisa klo ga peduli, kesannya kaya mencampuri sih akhirnya, tapi yah itu akhirnya gw lelah sndiri dan biarkanlah mereka dgn caranya sendiri. Hahaha

Ini semakin ngawur yahh. Saya Bobo dlu dehh. Nanti di revisi lagii. Hahaha

Life Learner

Started from this semester I tried to do the self check and try my best to improve myself to be a better person. It is not easy because I need to keep the diary and I rarely finished the diary. Hahaha. Sometimes I skipped 2-3 days and write that later 😱

Because of that, I make a weekly self check. That might be easier to me to do that.

This week I really want to share about this and it's really change the way I think about my past years in China.

Before 25 I always think about how to impressed people, how to be perfect, how to get a really good review and being pretty. But, after I went through all of the process I choose to be more focused about my happiness without decreased my value of life. I am still perfectionist and a bit arrogant and that might be too hard for me to eliminate that one. Basically, I am an ESFP or ESTP with DI personality. So, that might be a bit complicated with my own way of living. Hahaha.

But, I know what I want to do and what I need to do while talking about my right and my duty I think sometime my ego still too high to do my duty as a hardworking student and always asking for my right. Hahaha. But, I learn a lot how to make a decisions and I did that several times here. That was a bit hard when I did that for the first time, but after that I think that easier to me to denied all of the negative thinking and just doing what I want to do.

Actually my mom said I always did that before but even when my mom said that I think I am not. Hahaha. So I don't know what my mom think about me right now. Hahaha.

I put myself as the priority,
But I also need to do a lot of things to graduate. I really want to graduate but my physics and mental reject that. Hahaha. I said that I am okay but my body just rejected that and I think I went to hospital almost once a month now. Hahaha.

I really don't know why because I think I am okay, yeah I found that I always delayed my work and I am take a lot of things not seriously. But, I am just don't want to over doing myself to do something that only make me stress. Hahaha. I am stress, of course. The pressure is still a lot and the work also has a lot of problem 😱😱😱

But, that is Life. And as this title I started to be a life learner now. Because, I cannot expected much from someone and I also don't want to force myself to do that. 😂

Thanks to all of the memories and experiences. I learned a lot from all of those moments

Flirting

I am 26 years old and I don't know anything about love relationship >.<
So, after turn to 26 years old I need to think again about love, relationship, and marriage.
and I want to talk about flirting this time.
What is the definition of flirting?
Behave as though sexually attracted to someone, but playfully rather than with serious intentions.
By those definition I think that most of my friends did that intentionally or not.
Is it good or not?
Actually, for someone as old as me this kind of relationship is not good.
Especially if you are considering to get your own partner for marriage.
But, I think flirting is good for your mental health because you don't need to be serious about that and have fun with the opposite sex friends.
But.....
what I hate the most about flirting is "if you do that to a lot of people"
That's insane. I know that your own option but that makes you look cheap!
And what I think that's normal for me that might means different to the other person
I tried to read the wikipedia about that.
But, I always do that for my close friend and if we are close enough I think that's normal. I didn't do that just to normal friends. I gave them but without any notes like only the greetings or something like that.


So, what do you think if someone flirting with you and you take it as a signal or you take it seriously?
Sorry to say, but it only will hurt one side.
So, maybe after you are getting older please stop doing that flirting to your opposite sex friends.
hahaha.

I tried to make a barrier now to my male and female friend.
I have a tendency to be kind only in a special occasion and more close to female friends :D
why ?
I hate being someone who give something who would love to take something in return.
I don't like that and I hate to play with my emotion.

I was thinking that I like someone but after I thought about that I only have a small joyful feeling because I can have some feeling to hide and those feeling can dominate even if I don't like that person in real life. yeah, I just used them to overcome the other feeling that I have now, and I think I felt better when I have this feeling than when I don't have someone to be tease for. hahaha.

sorry, but I think I need to stop being someone like that.
I really cannot determine my feeling really well and I think love relationship is also not a part of my life for now. hahaha.

I decide to not have a boyfriend till 2020, but I think it will be fun to have someone to lean on ^^

Netflix Korea: Love Alarm (Review)

I watched this because of the advertisement. Hahaha. The trailer was good so when I saw the drama was available online I downloaded all of them and finished that drama today. Hahaha.

From the poster, it just released on August 22nd. So, they upload all of the episodes of season one is quite fast.

For me, the application idea is really nice.
While the dating apps mostly like chatting, video, or like a messager. I tried several dating apps and I found a match but it didn't stay for a long time. I prefer the one who I meet in real life 💕

So, the apps allows the customers to know if someone like him/her in a radius 10 m from the people they are interested. You can get a multiple love from your surroundings but the match only can ring each other apps. Haha. It is really sad when someone had a crush and think they like each other but it is not, they other case is for a friends who have been a friend for a long time and found one of them have interest to the other.

Basically, the story is not really hard to understand and there is almost no conflict. All of them is about the love and drama. If I talked more I will spoil it, so you can watch it online or download the film using your favorite website.

For this season,
My overall rating is 6.5/10, sorry it was nice but the characters development is not really good. Hahaha.

Friendzone: Thailand Movie - Review

It was a hits movie in Indonesia
I saw most of my friends watched that movie, but it was not showing in China and no English sub (of course), and finally I got the copy one of the movie.

Let me review this movie,
Firstly, I would like to compared this movie with Netflix Korea drama (First First Love), that also have a story about friendzone. But, when I saw both of the stories, if you are Indonesian they will called you as 'bucin-budak cinta" the meaning is a slave of love instead of friendzone. Hahaha.

Korean drama has more conflict and I hate they only complicated the things like it is tangled to each other. The story has their own style but I prefer to watch Friendzone over and over again instead of the Netflix Korea drama. Hahaha.

Let me started with the movie review,
This movie is really related to our daily life and actually, it might be impossible to find a friendzone who is perfect like them. Hahaha. Good appearance and their relationships is more than a friend 😂
But, as usual Thailand Romance Comedy always make me laugh a lot, they picture the situation in a funny ways and they also showed a beauty of Thailand nature.

The ending also really good and good news that friendzone also can have a happy ending story :) I will love to watch more Romance Comedy Movie from Thailand (again)

Secondly, I will give my thoughts about friendzone. I am not sure if I have been through this phase or not, I don't have a friend who will be a 'bucin' for me and I never do something like 'bucin', I am just good with everyone. Hahaha. But, I think from the others story and what I see recently friendzone is the most safety relationship which can be stayed for a long time between boys and girls, like I said before about the friendship between male and female before. Is it possible to have no feeling to each others? I think I read some of the cases and surveys but they only said mostly the male will have a feeling to their female friend while the female friend have nothing to them. But, I think that kind of feeling won't stay for a long time because they will prefer to have them for a longer time than only to have a girlfriend or boyfriend title.

And lastly, I will compared the movie with reality 😂 it won't be happened in reality because the male is almost perfect and the girl is also pretty. Hahaha. I don't know why but I never found a perfect couple with both perfect appearance. Hahaha. Or if none of them is extraordinary both of them are okay, but not extremely handsome or pretty. Hahaha. In reality, the handsome man only have two choice, taken or gay 😂 that's what my friends say. Some of them claim someone handsome but when not everyone agree with that means he is not handsome. Hahahaha. That only based on personal type. Hahaha. But, lastly I think if you are in a friendzone maybe you should try to say your feeling, but that might be hard but it is better than no one know about your feeling and be a friend forever! Hahaha

Single and Mingle

I saw some of my friends promote their friends as a single and ready to mingle. I think that's what the problem for 25 years old and older people about life, marriage, career, and future.

Why someone being single?
That's deppend on each individual but I think most of them is too comfortable being alone and they think they can do everything by their own. Is it really like someone who never been loved by the others? I think no, I know maybe someone like you but they might be not sure how to approach you or maybe they did that but we refuse to accepting someone like us 😂

I think being single is a blessing for me, because I can do whatever I want and I can just like anyone. Hahaha. I cannot be own with anyone. Hahaha. But, it doesn't mean that I don't need a companion. Sometimes, I think I need, but when I think of that I am thinking again why I need to waste my time to have a relationship that I know won't last for a long time. Hahaha

Ready to mingle, actually this part a bit ambiguous for me. The real example that I tried is using a dating apps. I know I tried but when we tried to communicate to each other I only things that they only want to have a romantic relationship not being a friend. That's good but that's irritated me. Maybe I am just too independent or I don't know why. I think about that and try that again and that just like a never ending cycle.

So, I think I am single but I am not ready to mingle if the only purpose is romantic relationship. But, I heard that if you want to have a relationship with your opposite sex means that you have an interest in someone life, but that will be change when you are going deeper and that will be the one that will destroy your relationship as a good friend. Hahaha. I am still not sure about that, but I know for sure sometime I know but I tried to denied that, because if I am not doing that I might be too confident with myself and that's not me 🤔

Marriage (?)

Recently, I was thinking a lot of things about relationships and even I search online about that. The last question about romance relationship is about marriage.

I have a friend and my supervisor decide to be single for her lifetime and she is almost 70 now. Hahaha. When me and my friend talked about it, marriage is a needed for human. My guy friends told me before that as a woman I need to consider about that because if they don't have a child their life will be lonely.

Okay, after a long talk I think marriage is needed but I don't think that having a child is a MUST! But, my friend also said if you don't have a child there is no reason for your marriage and the possibility of divorce will be higher because nothing to be fight for.

Marriage is a complicated things for me, I even don't know that much about being in a relationship but I think marriage is about commitment and you need to living with the same person for the rest of your life. Is it fun to living together? I don't think so, especially when you are getting older and have your own business and after that need to take care your family, that's not an easy task to do.

Let's start with the marriage reception, how much we need to spent to do the bridal and grooms things, the building, the photographer, food, invitation, honeymoon, a lot of things to prepare. And the wedding photography, pre wedding, post wedding, maternity. That's too much to do only for a single things called an early stage of marriage.

When you or your partner decide to have a baby, you need to calculate a lot of things again. One of my friend said when we have a child it means the blessing and the blessing will come afterwards. But, I don't want my children only become a normal one. I think I also will force my children to be someone I want so I think having a child is not good for both of us (me and my child in the future). Hahaha

Marriage is not only about commitment but also trust to each other and give them their personal space. And most of them said that marriage is not as good as being single. Hahahaha

I am 26 years old now, and I think I need to consider about marriage soon. My cousin already married now and even they already have a kid. Hahaha. But I even don't know how to define the feeling of the romance relationship 😊😊